***
THAT IS SOME FINE SOUTH OF THE BORDER, SCHMIDT.
IVAN?
TAKE ME BACK, SHIRLEY. THAT'S ALL I ASK.
YOU CAME HERE TO ASK ME TO TAKE YOU BACK?
NO, ACTUALLY. I'M GETTING MARRIED.
BUT IF YOU WERE TO TAKE ME BACK...
MARRIED? IVAN, NO, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
THIS TIME IT'S REAL, SHIRLEY. I FEEL IT DEEP DOWN TO MY...
...BONE, I'M SURE.
SHE'S FUNNY, SHE'S SMART, SHE'S PRACTICALLY YOU,
JUST A MUCH YOUNGER MODEL. AW, THAT'S SWEET.
SHIRLEY...
I'D LIKE YOU TO BE BEST MAN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IF A MAN WANTS HIS CLOSEST FRIEND TO BE HIS BEST MAN,
HE SHOULD HAVE IT.
STAND BY MY SIDE, SHIRLEY.
I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME AWAY. IT'S ONLY RIGHT.
UM, FIRST OF ALL, YOU RAISE SEVERAL ISSUES.
THE FIRST IS THAT THE BEST MAN DOESN'T GIVE THE GROOM AWAY.
THE SECOND IS THAT YOU AND I USED TO BE MARRIED,
AND THE THIRD IS
I'M NOT A MAN!
AS TRUSTEE FOR MY HEART FOR 25-PLUS YEARS...
WE WERE MARRIED FOR FOUR.
I HAVE ONLY KNOWN TWO GREAT LOVES IN MY LIFE--
YOU AND NOW MISSY.
OKAY, AS FAR AS OUR "GREAT LOVE" GOES,
YOU STRAYED DURING OUR HONEYMOON,
AND LET'S NOT EVEN DISCUSS THE NAME "MISSY."
IS SHE A PONY?
BE MY BEST MAN.
***
* I SEND BOUQUETS
* FOR MOTHER'S DAY...
SO WHY NOT DO IT?
BE IN HIS WEDDING.
AN EX-WIFE AS A BEST MAN? COME ON, PAUL.
WELL, IF YOU'RE AS CLOSE AS YOU SAY,
AND THE FIANCéE IS OKAY WITH IT...
THERE'S ALSO A REHEARSAL DINNER. HE WANTS ME THERE AT THAT.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS,
WHEN SOMEBODY ASKS YOU TO BE IN HIS WEDDING...
I MEAN, HOW MANY HAS HE HAD?
THIS WILL BE NUMBER SIX.
OH.
* SO THANKS AGAIN
* FOR THE WORRYING AND WAITING *
* WHEN I STARTED DATING
* ON WEEKEND NIGHTS
* AND THANKS AGAIN
* FOR THE HELP WITH MY HOMEWORK *
* AND SITTING UP WITH ME
* TILL I GOT IT RIGHT
* YOUR CAR FOR THE PROM
* YOUR LETTERS IN 'NAM
* BUT MOST OF ALL, DADDY
* FOR MARRYING MOM
* TO MY BEAUTIFUL
* LIFELONG FRIENDS
* HEY, MOM AND DADDY
* THANKS AGAIN
(cheers and applause)
SWEET SONG.
EVEN IF I DID DO IT, I...
PAUL?
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH.
I'M JUST A SAP WHEN IT COMES
TO SENTIMENTAL SONGS, I GUESS.
IF SHE SINGS "YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE,"
I'LL BE ON THE FLOOR.
WHERE WERE WE?
I WAS OBSESSING ABOUT MY EX-HUSBAND'S NUPTIALS.
HOW'S YOUR DAUGHTER,
BY THE WAY?
RACHEL, RIGHT?
(man) ALZHEIMER'S WAS HER WORST FEAR.
SHE HAD GOTTEN TO THE POINT
WHERE SHE WAS FORGETTING,
AND SHE WAS LOSING CONTROL OF HER BODY,
AND SHE BEGGED ME TO HELP HER DO IT,
AND I COMPLIED.
HOW DID YOU COMPLY?
WE HAD HIRED A NURSE
WHO HAD PREVIOUSLY WORKED AT A HOSPICE FOR DYING PATIENTS,
AND SHE WAS FAMILIAR WITH SETTING UP MORPHINE DRIPS,
AND I PERSUADED HER TO SET ONE UP FOR US,
IN CASE PAIN MANAGEMENT EVER BECAME AN ISSUE.
AND YOU INCREASED THE DRIP TO CAUSE YOUR WIFE'S DEATH?
YES.
MY LAWYER IS RECOMMENDING THAT I PLEAD TO MANSLAUGHTER,
WHICH I SIMPLY CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO DO.
I AM NOT A CRIMINAL.
IF YOU AGREE TO TAKE OVER,
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST JUMP RIGHT IN.
UH, THE CASE IS NOT VERY COMPLICATED,
AND ACCORDING TO OUR JURY CONSULTANTS,
WE HAVE A VERY SYMPATHETIC GROUP IMPANELED.
WELL, IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT MOVING FORWARD IMMEDIATELY,
THEN I'D ADVISE YOU TO STAY WITH YOUR CURRENT LAWYER.
WELL, HE--HE DOESN'T THINK THAT HE CAN WIN IT,
A-AND VARIOUS PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME
THAT YOU CAN.
***
HOW ARE WE DOING?
IT WAS AS IF THAT SONG WAS POINTED RIGHT AT MY HEAD.
I DID HER HOMEWORK WITH HER. I DROVE HER TO THE PROM.
ALL THE NIGHTS I WAITED UP...
WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE BASICALLY STOLE FROM ME.
HOW? YOU NAME IT.
SHE'D FEIGN PROBLEMS WITH RENT, HER HEALTH, CREDIT CARD DEBT.
SHE'D INVENT ALL KINDS OF CRISES TO IMPEL ME TO WRITE A CHECK,
THE PROCEEDS OF WHICH WOULD ALWAYS GO
TO FEED HER DRUG HABIT.
THE LAST STRAW--I GOT HER IN A PROGRAM, AN EXCLUSIVE ONE.
I TOLD HER IF SHE LEFT, SHE WAS CUT OFF.
SHE LEFT.
WE HAD A FIGHT.
I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER SINCE.
THAT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO.
YOU SHOULD GO SEE HER.
(chortles)
LET'S LIST ALL THE REASONS NOT TO
AND PUT THEM UNDER COLUMN "A."
AND COLUMN "B"?
SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER.
(everyone talking at once)
DENNY CRANE, NO COMMENT.
THE BLIND SHALL LEAD. ONLY IN AMERICA.
DENNY CRANE.
I'LL ASK FOR A CONTINUANCE IF THEY WON'T.
ON GROUNDS THEY'RE NOT READY?
YOUR HONOR, THIS IS A TACTIC.
MR. SHORE FIGURES TO LOSE AT TRIAL--
I RARELY LOSE, AND CERTAINLY NOT TO YOU.
SO WHAT HE'S OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO DO HERE
IS PILE ON AS MANY GROUNDS FOR APPEAL AS POSSIBLE,
INCLUDING, IT SEEMS, INADEQUATE COUNSEL.
DO YOU TWO HAVE A PRIOR RELATIONSHIP?
YES, YOUR HONOR.
WHEN I WAS IN PRIVATE PRACTICE,
MR. SHORE HACKED INTO MY CLIENT'S CORPORATE FILES,
AND THEN BLACKMAILED HIM. SUCCESSFULLY.
YOU LEFT THAT OUT.
MR. SHORE, THE COURT DOES HAVE CONCERNS
WITH NEW COUNSEL TAKING THIS OVER THE DAY OF TRIAL.
MY CLIENT DOESN'T WANT A DELAY.
YOU ALREADY KNOW HE REFUSED TO WAIVE HIS RIGHT
TO A SPEEDY TRIAL.
THEN YOU'RE ON RECORD AS BEING READY.
WE'LL BRING IN THE JURY AT 2:00. THANK YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS?
OH, I AM.
YOU'RE DEAR TO MY IVAN, AND I'M CERTAINLY WISE ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS,
SO LONG AS HIS PENIS DOESN'T WEIGH IN.
(laughing and snorting)
SHE HAS A FUNNY LAUGH.
I DIDN'T TELL YOU. YES, YOU LEFT THAT OUT.
BAMBI'S MOTHER GOT SHOT. OH!
SOMETIMES WHEN SHE STARTS, SHE CAN'T STOP,
SO I HAVE TO TELL HER SOMETHING TRAGIC
TO SNAP HER OUT OF IT.
TELL ME, WHAT BROUGHT YOU TWO TOGETHER?
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SAY CHURCH.
ALSO, HIS SENSE OF HUMOR.
DID HE MAKE YOU GIGGLE? ONLY IN BED.
OH!
(laughing and snorting)
IT'S BEST NOT TO AMUSE HER. I CAN SEE THIS.
BILL BUCKNER.
OH!
I APOLOGIZE.
ANYHOW, WHERE WE REALLY CONNECTED, I THINK,
WAS OUR LOVE OF MUSICAL THEATER.
* ANYBODY COULD BE
* THAT GUY
"MAMMA MIA."
HERE I GO AGAIN.
(woman) I WAS HIRED AS MRS. MYERSON'S PRIVATE NURSE.
I WORKED IN HER EMPLOY UP UNTIL THE TIME OF HER DEATH.
HMM, IN FACT, MS. YOUNG,
IT WAS YOU WHO SUPPLIED THE DEFENDANT
WITH THE MORPHINE AND THE I.V.
ISN'T THAT CORRECT?
YES.
DID HE TELL YOU WHAT HE WANTED TO USE THE MORPHINE DRIP FOR?
HE SAID IF SHE EVER GOT IN TOO MUCH PAIN,
HE WANTED TO HELP HER MANAGE IT.
AND HOW IS IT YOU EVEN HAD ACCESS TO THIS DRUG?
WELL, I HAD WORKED AT A HOSPICE FOR PEOPLE DYING
OF TERMINAL DISEASES,
AND IT WAS QUITE COMMON FOR MORPHINE DRIPS TO BE USED
IN CONNECTION WITH PAIN MANAGEMENT.
DON'T YOU TYPICALLY NEED A PRESCRIPTION?
WELL, ORDINARILY, BUT I HAVE A SMALL STOCKPILE,
I GUESS, WOULD BE THE WORD.
I NEVER THOUGHT MR. MYERSON WOULD USE IT
TO ACTUALLY CAUSE HER DEATH.
YOU STATED YOU NEVER THOUGHT MY CLIENT
WOULD USE THE MORPHINE TO CAUSE HIS WIFE'S DEATH.
WOULD THAT BE BECAUSE YOU KNEW HIM
TO LOVE HIS WIFE VERY MUCH?
THAT WOULD BE ONE REASON, YES.
DID MRS. MYERSON EVER COMMUNICATE TO YOU
THAT SHE WOULD RATHER DIE
THAN LIVE THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE
OF HER BRAIN BEING DESTROYED BY THIS DISEASE?
SHE SAID SO MANY TIMES.
IS THERE ANY DOUBT IN YOUR MIND
THAT MRS. MYERSON WANTED TO END HER LIFE? NONE.
SHE ASKED ME TO HELP HER.
I SAID I COULDN'T LEGALLY,
AND THAT'S WHEN SHE TURNED TO HER HUSBAND.
THANK YOU.
***
HELLO!
(giggling)
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M CURIOUS TO YOUR THOUGHTS,
IF THEY INVOLVE ME PUTTING THAT ON IN THIS LIFETIME.
WHAT? ALL THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE WEARING IT.
IT'S GREEN.
YEAH.
SHIRLEY, MAY WE SPEAK AS GIRLFRIENDS FOR A SECOND?
I MET YOU THIS MORNING.
I KNOW YOU'RE HAPPY FOR IVAN AND ME,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE INSENSITIVE.
IF IT'S TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU
TO BE GIVING HIM AWAY AT THE CEREMONY...
AS LONG AS WE'RE SPEAKING AS GIRLFRIENDS,
ASIDE FROM GOD AND "LES MISERABLES,"
HOW ARE YOU AND IVAN COMPATIBLE?
WELL, WE LOVE CHILDREN.
I'M A WONDERFUL HOUSEKEEPER, AND I LOVE TO COOK.
THESE ARE TRADITIONAL VALUES I SPEAK OF.
I'M SEXUALLY VERY... INDEFATIGABLE.
(laughing and snorting)
OH, GOD.
(laughing and snorting)
TSUNAMI, HOLOCAUST, TRENT LOTT.
OH! ARE YOU A...
ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE?
THOSE?
THOSE PEOPLE WHO MOCK THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT,
WHO PUT DOWN OUR ADMINISTRATION.
(gasps)
I WOULD NEVER!
WHO'S DEAD?
NOBODY'S DEAD, RACHEL.
I JUST CAME TO SAY HELLO.
IS THAT IT?
LOOK, RACHEL, WHATEVER DAMAGE,
I'D LIKE TO BEGIN TO REPAIR IT.
WELL, DAD, I THINK WE BOTH CAN AGREE
WE'D HAVE TO START WITH AN APOLOGY.
WHERE WE DIFFER IS ON WHO NEEDS TO GIVE IT.
I'M SORRY
THAT WE LOST TRACK FOR SEVEN YEARS,
BUT I DON'T OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
SEE YA, DAD. WAIT.
CAN WE TALK?
I'M KIND OF BUSY.
WITH WHAT?
WHO--WHO IS THIS?
YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER.
SO FAR, HE'S BEEN PAYING CHILD SUPPORT,
SO FINANCIALLY HE'S BEEN RESPONSIBLE.
HOW SOON AFTER DID YOU SPLIT UP?
WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER, DAD. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
(chortles)
YOU'RE SHOCKED.
RACHEL, YOU'RE ALMOST 40.
MEANING WHAT, TIME TO GROW UP?
MEANING THAT PERHAPS WHEN CHOOSING MEN--
FIND ONE WHO WON'T WALK OUT ON ME.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
GIRLS LOOK TO MARRY THEIR FATHERS.
I NEVER WALKED OUT ON YOUR MOTHER.
NO, BUT YOU WALKED OUT ON ME.
I DID NOT. YOU STOLE FROM ME.
I HAD TO-- HEY, SHE'S 3!
SHE CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
YOU LO--
SHE JUST DOESN'T KNOW YOU. THAT'S ALL.
HOW ANGRY YOU MUST BE WITH ME
TO NOT TELL ME
THAT I HAD A GRANDDAUGHTER?
HOW ANGRY YOU MUST BE.
(door opens and closes)
(Alan) THIS DISTRICT ATTORNEY IS NOT WITHOUT TALENT.
IF HE'S ABLE TO PRESENT OUR CLIENT
IN ANY UNSYMPATHETIC LIGHT, WE'LL LOSE.
YOU OKAY?
I'M TIRED OF MY ALZHEIMER'S BEING A STORY POINT.
THIS ISN'T YOUR STORY, DENNY.
AND YOUR M.R.I. WAS FINE, REMEMBER?
NO PROGRESSION.
IMAGINE KILLING SOMEBODY YOU DEEPLY LOVE,
EVEN TO SPARE SUFFERING.
YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT FOR ME.
YOU PROMISED.
I DON'T KNOW THAT I COULD.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
IF THE DAY COMES,
BEV SAYS SHE WOULD SIT ON ME.
AH, BOOTS ON.
THAT'S WHAT WE DID WITH MY FATHER.
MORPHINE DRIP.
***
SHE LOVED TO READ
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD,
AND IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS
SHE COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT.
WHAT ABOUT THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS?
UH, WELL, HER MOTOR SKILLS WERE DECLINING,
WHICH WAS WHY WE HIRED THE NURSE.
SHE BATTLED INCONTINENCE,
BUT MAINLY IT WAS THE SENSE THAT HER BRAIN WAS DYING,
AND SHE KNEW IT.
I MEAN, THIS WAS A PROUD, FIERCELY INTELLIGENT WOMAN
WHO WAS BECOMING AN IMBECILE,
NOT ONLY IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY ELSE'S EYES,
BUT HER OWN.
WERE YOU PRESENT WHEN SHE DIED?
YES.
IT--IT WAS TRAGIC,
BUT IT PALED TO THE TRAGEDY
HAD SHE GONE ON LIVING.
YOU PRACTICED LAW TOGETHER?
MY VERY FIRST FIRM-- TIGGS AND SCHMIDT.
IT FLOPPED.
WE WERE GREAT PARTNERS BUT LOUSY PARTNERS.
BUT BOY, IT WAS FUN.
(Missy) HELLO! (whispers) OH, GOD.
DIRECTIONS TO THE REHEARSAL DINNER.
8:00! YOU CAN BRING A DATE!
OKAY.
OH.
YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?
I DO.
HMM, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
(imitating Missy) 8:00!
I CAN BRING A DATE!
***
HELLO! TIME FOR MY TOAST!
WHY AM I HERE?
WHY AM I?
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TONIGHT.
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT I'D GET MARRIED.
I'D ALWAYS HOPED TO,
BUT, WELL, THE THOUGHT
THAT I'D ACTUALLY MEET A MAN WHO COULD LOOK PAST
MY VARIOUS ECCENTRICITIES AND QUIRKS
AND SEE ME FOR MY HEART...
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D ACTUALLY MEET A MAN WHO...
(piano music playing)
* PERHAPS I HAD
* A WICKED CHILDHOOD
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
* PERHAPS I HAD
* A MISERABLE YOUTH
* BUT SOMEWHERE
* IN MY WICKED, MISERABLE PAST *
* THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A MOMENT OF TRUTH *
AM I BEING PUNKED?
BE NICE.
(both) * FOR HERE YOU ARE
* STANDING THERE
* LOVING ME
* WHETHER OR NOT
* YOU SHOULD
* SO SOMEWHERE IN MY YOUTH
* OR CHILDHOOD
* I MUST HAVE DONE
* SOMETHING GOOD
COME ON, REHEARSAL DINNERS ARE MEANT TO BE SILLY.
LET ME TAKE YOU BACK 30 YEARS OR SO TO OURS.
I DON'T RELIVE PAST TRAUMAS.
THEN LET ME JUST TAKE YOU BACK.
YOU REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL, IVAN?
LOVE IS A STATE OF MIND, SHIRLEY.
NO, IT ISN'T.
MAYBE THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. YOU THINK--
MY PROBLEM IS I LOVE YOU.
THERE, I SAID IT.
I LOVE YOU, NEVER STOPPED.
THIS ISN'T FAIR, WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THIS GIRL.
I HAVE ENORMOUS AFFECTION FOR HER.
THE SEX IS REWARDING. I MAKE HER HAPPY.
IT ALL ADDS UP TO A WORKABLE EQUATION.
YOUR SENSE OF ROMANCE IS OVERWHELMING.
WE ALWAYS SAID WHAT A MISTAKE IT WAS FOR US TO GET MARRIED.
MAYBE THE BLUNDER WAS SPLITTING UP.
DO YOU EVER WONDER?
NO.
MAY I KISS THE BRIDE
ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THE CEREMONY?
I'M THE BEST MAN.
VERY BAD IDEA.
NOW THAT WAS ROMANCE.
YES, IT WAS.
GOOD NIGHT, IVAN.
(Aimee Mann's "Wise Up" playing)
* IT'S NOT
* WHAT YOU THOUGHT
* NOW YOU CAN HARDLY
* STAND IT, THOUGH
* BY NOW YOU KNOW
* IT'S NOT
* GOING TO STOP
* IT'S NOT
* GOING TO STOP
* TILL YOU WISE UP
(knock on door)
SEE, THE THING IS, DAD,
I CAN HANDLE NOT KNOWING
WHETHER YOU'RE IN MY LIFE OR NOT,
BUT FIONA'S ASKING ME, "IS GRANDPA EVER COMING BACK?"
I'VE GOT TO KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER.
DO YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE?
IT'S NICE...
HOW YOU CAN PUT ACCUSATIONS IN QUESTION FORM.
LET ME TRY.
DID YOU MEAN TO SUGGEST OUR ESTRANGEMENT WAS MY DOING
WHEN IT WAS YOU REFUSING TO SO MUCH AS TAKE MY PHONE CALLS
FOR THREE-PLUS YEARS? HOW'S THAT?
CLOSE THAT DOOR.
I HEARD YOU SAY THAT SHE WAS EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.
IS IT POSSIBLE HER DECISION WAS INFLUENCED
BY THIS INSTABILITY?
NO.
NO?
DID YOU HAVE A THERAPIST
OR ANY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL SPEAK WITH HER
ABOUT HER APPARENT WISH TO DIE?
I KNEW MY WIFE BETTER THAN ANY THERAPIST EVERY COULD,
AND HER WISH TO DIE WAS NOT "APPARENT."
YOU...
YOU STATED TH-THAT SHE WAS "BECOMING AN IMBECILE."
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN EXCRUCIATING FOR YOU.
WAS IT A-A RELIEF I-IN ANY WAY AT ALL WHEN--WHEN SHE DIED?
IT WAS, UM, A RELIEF
TO SEE HER SUFFERING END.
I'M SORRY TO BE--TO BE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS.
IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES IN THESE SITUATIONS
IT'S ACTUALLY MORE ABOUT SPARING THE--THE FAMILY'S SUFFERING
THAN IT IS THE VICTIM'S.
OBJECTION!
THE OBJECTION'S OVERRULED.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. CRANE?
SIR, HOW MUCH WAS IT COSTING YOU PER MONTH
TO CARE FOR YOUR WIFE?
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST ABOUT ONE SECOND AWAY
FROM TAKING MY FIST TO YOUR HEAD. MR. MYERSON!
N-NOW THAT STRIKES ME AS IMPULSIVE.
ARE YOU AN IMPULSIVE PERSON?
YOUR HONOR, THIS BADGERING HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO ESTABLISH THAT MR. MYERSON
AND THE DECEASED WERE THE TWO MOST EMOTIONALLY DISABLED PEOPLE
IN ALL OF THIS,
THE VERY LAST TWO PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE ENTRUSTED
TO MAKE A DECISION TO END HUMAN LIFE.
***
I'M SORRY.
I LOST A CROWN ON MY TOOTH LAST NIGHT.
I WAS WONDERING WHETHER PERHAPS YOU SWALLOWED IT.
AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF WHAT HAPPENED?
NO, BUT I CAN SEE YOU ARE, SO WE'RE COVERED.
IVAN, YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED,
AND YOU'RE KISSING ANOTHER WOMAN.
NOT JUST ANY WOMAN, I PROMISE.
YOU SIMPLY CANNOT MARRY THIS GIRL, NOT--
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN STOP IT. AND THAT IS?
I'M LOOKING AT HER.
FINAL OFFER. MARRY ME.
YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND.
YOU DIDN'T SAY "NO." NO.
YOU DIDN'T MEAN NO. NO MEANS NO!
IF NOT YOU, THEN HER.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, IVAN, THINK OF HER!
SEE YOU AT THE CEREMONY, SHIRL.
***
I WAS NOT GOING TO ENABLE YOU ANY LONGER!
SO YOU STOP GIVING ME MONEY!
BUT TO WALK OUT? TO REFUSE TO TAKE MY CALLS?
TO TELL SECURITY AT YOUR DAMN FIRM NOT TO LET ME IN?
YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LAY ALL THIS ON ME?
I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING! IT WAS YOUR JOB TO GIVE ME EVERYTHING,
JUST LIKE IT'S MY JOB TO GIVE FIONA EVERYTHING,
NO MATTER WHAT!
AT SOME POINT-- I NEEDED YOU!
FOR GOD'S SAKE, DAD,
I WAS A DRUG ADDICT, AN ALCOHOLIC.
I HAD NOTHING.
I NEEDED MY FATHER, AND YOU ABANDONED ME.
YOU THINK THAT WAS EASY FOR ME?
I SPOKE TO COUNSELORS, PROFESSIONALS.
THEY ALL TOLD ME YOU HAD TO HIT BOTTOM BEFORE--
OH, WELL, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, DAD, BECAUSE I DID.
IN MY DARKEST DAYS,
DURING YOUR MOTHER'S ILLNESS,
I WOULD LET MY MIND WANDER TO YOU.
I WOULD DREAM
OF BEING THERE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU GAVE BIRTH TO OUR FIRST GRANDCHILD.
GETTING TO HOLD AND LOVE
A BABY AGAIN...
LIKE I DID YOU.
HOW DARE YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME?
HOW DARE YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD?
IN MY DARKEST DAYS, THROUGH IT ALL,
I HAD ONE LITTLE THING,
ONE TINY SEMBLANCE OF A FOUNDATION,
AND IT WAS KNOWING THAT NO MATTER WHAT,
MY FATHER WOULD BE THERE FOR ME,
AND HE WASN'T.
HE WASN'T.
HOW DARE YOU TAKE THAT FROM ME?
***
* SOMETIMES YOU'RE HAPPY
* AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE SAD
* BUT THE WORLD GOES AROUND...
SHOULD WE REQUEST THAT OTHER SONG?
FOR MY MONEY,
SHE PROBABLY DID HIT BOTTOM
BECAUSE YOU WALKED AWAY,
AND THAT MAYBE SAVED HER LIFE.
FORGIVE HER.
I'M NOT SURE SHE'LL FORGIVE ME.
PAUL, YOU WENT TO HER HOUSE.
TODAY SHE CAME TO YOUR OFFICE.
YOU TWO ARE ALREADY BACK TOGETHER.
YOU JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO EXECUTE THE DEAL.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU AND IVAN?
I'M SORRY?
DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM? I BEG YOUR PARDON?
YOUR TASTE IN MEN, SHIRLEY--
IVAN TIGGS, DENNY CRANE--
WILD, BIGGER THAN LIFE.
I-I DON'T LOVE IVAN ANYMORE.
I'M JUST HIS BEST MAN.
* AROUND
* AROUND AND AROUND
WE HAVE A LAW
AGAINST ASSISTED SUICIDE.
ONE REASON SIMPLY GOES
TO THE SANCTITY OF LIFE.
ONCE WE START ERODING THAT,
ONCE WE SAY IT'S ACCEPTABLE
FOR PEOPLE TO START KILLING THEMSELVES,
A TERRIBLE THING HAPPENS.
IT BECOMES ACCEPTABLE.
IT'S SUDDENLY AN OPTION
FOR THE SENIOR CITIZEN WITH ALZHEIMER'S,
FOR THE 50-YEAR-OLD WITH CANCER,
FOR THE TEENAGER WITH NO FRIENDS.
WHO DECIDES WHEN SUICIDE IS THE WAY TO GO?
IN THIS CASE, THE DECISION FELL TO A MENTALLY IMPAIRED WOMAN
AND HER EMOTIONALLY DESPAIRING HUSBAND,
NOT EXACTLY BASTIONS OF SOUND JUDGMENT.
HIS MOTIVES, HOWEVER CLOUDED BY GRIEF,
MAY HAVE BEEN PURE,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT HUSBAND THAT WANTS HIS WIFE TO DIE
TO PERHAPS PREVENT THE ESTATE FROM BEING FINANCIALLY DRAINED?
WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY SEEKS
TO END THEIR OWN SUFFERING
BECAUSE IT'S TOO HORRIBLE WATCHING MOM DETERIORATE?
HOW DO WE ASSESS OR REGULATE MOTIVE?
IT'S WHY WE CHOOSE, AS A MATTER OF LAW,
NOT TO GO DOWN THAT SLOPE.
NOBODY IS ARGUING THAT MR. MYERSON IS A BAD MAN.
HE ISN'T,
BUT HE ADMITTEDLY, REFLECTIVELY ACTED
TO END THE LIFE OF A HUMAN BEING.
UNDER THE LAW, WHICH YOU TOOK AN OATH TO UPHOLD,
THAT'S MURDER.
THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET IS,
WE WENT DOWN THAT SLOPE YEARS AGO.
OFFICIALLY, WE SAY WE'RE AGAINST ASSISTED SUICIDE,
BUT IT GOES ON ALL THE TIME.
70% OF ALL DEATHS IN HOSPITALS
ARE DUE TO DECISIONS TO LET PATIENTS DIE,
WHETHER IT'S MORPHINE DRIPS
OR RESPIRATORS, HYDRATION TUBES.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO THE TERRI SCHIAVO FANFARE,
PATIENTS ARE ASSISTED WITH DEATH ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY
ALL THE TIME.
AS FOR REGULATING MOTIVE, HERE'S A THOUGHT--
INVESTIGATE IT.
IF WE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY,
HAVE THE POLICE ASK QUESTIONS.
IF IT SMELLS FUNNY, PROSECUTE.
BUT HERE,
THERE'S NO SUGGESTION
THAT MR. MYERSON'S MOTIVE WAS ANYTHING OTHER
THAN TO SATISFY HIS WIFE'S WISHES
AND SPARE HER THE EXTREME INDIGNITY
OF EXPERIENCING THE ROTTING OF HER BRAIN.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT?
I HAD A DOG FOR 12 YEARS.
HIS NAME WAS ALAN.
THAT WAS HIS NAME WHEN I GOT HIM.
HE HAD CANCER IN THE END,
THAT IN CONJUNCTION WITH SEVERE HIP DYSPLASIA,
AND HE WAS IN UNBEARABLE PAIN.
MY VET RECOMMENDED, AND I AGREED, TO EUTHANIZE HIM.
IT WAS HUMANE,
WHICH WE AS A SOCIETY ENDEAVOR TO BE
FOR ANIMALS.
MY CLIENT'S ACT WAS HUMANE.
IT WAS A SELFLESS ONE.
IT WAS A SORROWFUL ONE.
MRS. MYERSON'S NURSE TESTIFIED
AS TO THE PROFOUND LOVE RYAN MYERSON HAD FOR HIS WIFE.
SOMETIMES THE ULTIMATE ACT
OF LOVE AND KINDNESS...
IF YOU THINK THIS MAN IS A CRIMINAL,
SEND HIM TO JAIL,
BUT IF YOU DON'T, DON'T.
***
(man) AND DO YOU, MISSY, TAKE IVAN
TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND,
TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
I DO. I DO! (snorts)
AND DO YOU, IVAN, TAKE MISSY
TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE,
TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
I DO.
IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO KNOWS A REASON
WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE JOINED TOGETHER
IN HOLY MATRIMONY,
SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.
THE RINGS?
(organ music playing)
* SO SOMEWHERE IN MY YOUTH
* OR CHILDHOOD
* I MUST HAVE DONE
* SOMETHING GOOD
(both) * NOTHING COMES FROM NOTHING *
* NOTHING EVER COULD
(Ivan, Missy and choir) * SO SOMEWHERE IN MY YOUTH
* OR CHILDHOOD...
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.
(Ivan and Missy) * I MUST HAVE DONE
* SOMETHING GOOD
I PRESENT TO YOU
MR. AND MRS. IVAN TIGGS.
(applause)
(organ music playing)
* SO SOMEWHERE IN MY YOUTH
* OR CHILDHOOD
* I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING GOOD *
* NOTHING COMES FROM NOTHING
* NOTHING EVER COULD
* SO SOMEWHERE IN MY YOUTH
* OR CHILDHOOD
* I MUST HAVE DONE
* SOMETHING GOOD
(laughing)
WILL THE DEFENDANT PLEASE RISE?
MADAM FOREPERSON,
THE JURY HAS REACHED A UNANIMOUS VERDICT?
WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR. WHAT SAY YOU?
"IN THE MATTER OF
"THE COMMONWEALTH vs. RYAN MYERSON
"ON THE CHARGE OF MURDER IN THE SECOND DEGREE,
"WE THE JURY FIND THE DEFENDANT RYAN MYERSON
NOT GUILTY."
(gallery murmuring)
REALLY?
(judge) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MR. SHORE.
IT WAS NOTHING BUT EXPENSIVE.
DENNY, THANK YOU.
OH!
I'M SO OVERWHELMED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THERE'S TYPICALLY A POST-VERDICT CRASH, MR. MYERSON.
I FREQUENTLY COUNSEL MY CLIENTS
NOT TO BE ALONE.
DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO KEEP YOU COMPANY TONIGHT?
***
THE NURSE?
THE LOOK WAS UNMISTAKABLE.
THAT'S WHY HE WAS SO ADAMANT ABOUT GOING FORWARD
WITH THE TRIAL SO FAST.
IF HIS AFFAIR WITH THE NURSE SURFACED,
WHICH IT INEVITABLY WOULD HAVE, HE'D BE SUNK.
HMM, HE KILLED HER
TO BE WITH HIS MISTRESS.
WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE THE FACT THAT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE
SIMPLY MADE IT EASIER TO COMPLY WITH HIS WIFE'S DESIRE TO DIE.
WELL, MAYBE SHE DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO DIE.
ALL WE HAD WAS HIS WORD FOR IT.
AND THE NURSE'S.
OH, MY GOD.
WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER HE'S INNOCENT OR GUILTY.
I HATE THAT.
DENNY, WHEN YOU LAUNCHED YOURSELF IN COURT
LIKE A POP-TART...
HE WAS BADGERING OUR CLIENT. I HAD TO BREAK THE FLOW.
MR. KUPFER HAD JUST SAID,
"FAMILIES OFTEN ACT TO END THEIR OWN SUFFERING."
IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR FATHER?
HE WASN'T EXACTLY IN PAIN.
HIS APPETITE WAS GOOD,
IN FACT, HE WAS ACTUALLY SMILING MORE
IN THE END THAN YOU...
ON THE DAY,
THE DAY WE TOLD THE DOCTOR TO UP THE DRIP,
HE WAS BLISSFUL.
WE PUT HIM OUT OF OUR MISERY.
AND I OFTEN WONDERED,
DID THAT LIFE BELONG TO THE MAN WITH THE BRAIN OF A 2-YEAR-OLD
OR TO THE MAN THAT PRECEDED IT?
IT CERTAINLY...
DIDN'T BELONG TO ME.
I THINK THE LIFE BELONGED TO THE MAN
WHO PRECEDED THE DISEASE,
THE MAN YOU KNEW AS YOUR FATHER.
AH...
BUT AT WHAT POINT?
KUPFER SAID IT WAS A SLIPPERY SLURP.
SLOPE.
HOW DID YOU GET THE DOCTOR TO DO IT?
DENNY CRANE.
I WAS STILL THE REAL THING THEN.
DENNY, I'M GOING TO SAY THIS RIGHT NOW,
AND THEN I'M GOING TO MEMORIALIZE IT
IN MY LIVING WILL.
IF I EVER END UP WITH THE MIND OF A 2-YEAR-OLD--
I'LL HAVE BEV SIT ON YOU.
THAT'S A LOAD OFF.
MY DAY IS COMING, ALAN.
WE BOTH KNOW THAT.
IT'S A LONG WAYS OFF.
AND IN THE MEANTIME,
LIVE BIG, MY FRIEND.
LIVE BIG.
(laughs)
(Jason Mraz) * AH LA LA LA LA LA LA
* LIFE IS WONDERFUL
* AH LA LA LA LA LA LA
* LIFE GOES FULL CIRCLE
* AH LA LA LA LA LA LIFE IS WONDERFUL *
* AH LA LA LA LA
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
MR. LOOMIS JUST FIRED ME. WHY'D HE FIRE YOU?
SHE WAS GIVEN AMPLE TIME TO QUIT SMOKING,
AND SHE KNEW SHE'D BE FIRED IF SHE DIDN'T.
I CAN'T MAKE MY RENT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I HAVE TO WIN THIS. NICE NIGHT.
SUDDENLY IT IS. HAS ANYONE SEEN DENNY? IT'S TIME FOR OUR TOAST.
LAST TIME I SAW HIM WAS OVER NEAR THE COAT CHECK ROOM.
SHE IS WILLING TO TAKE ONLY 50% OF MR. CRANE'S ASSETS.
WHAT? INCLUDING HIS EQUITY IN THE FIRM.
WE'RE BEING AUDITED TO DETERMINE DENNY'S NET WORTH.
LET THEM. WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
HOLD ON A SECOND THERE, AUNT SALLY.
THIS COULD BE... WELL, A PROBLEM.