FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Previously onBoston Legal.
Aren'’t women just the best?
You'’ve been through wives before, Denny. Five of them.
-Bella. -Beverly Bridge.
-Bethany. -Clovis.
-She'’s the one. -She'’s the one.
After five or six wives, you still believe in the one?
-Denny, you'’re glowing. -She'’s an amazing woman, Alan.
Mad cow. Mad cow. Mad cow.
Like I'’ll remember it. Mad cow.
Love is an ugly business, my friend.
Ugly business. Ugly business.
-It'’s 10:00. -Are we not on?
It'’s supposed to be Tuesday at 10:00 every week.
We'’ve been moved. We'’re Wednesday at 10:00.
-Nobody called me. -They told Howie in Word Processing.
They called Howie in Word Processing?
Are we Wednesdays at 10:00 from now on?
No. We'’re off next week, then on for the following two Wednesdays.
-What about next year? -Best to just keep checking in with Howie.
Excuse me. Are you Denny Crane?
Denny Crane.
What can I do for you? Let me rephrase.
What can we do for each other?
I'’m Sunny Fields, of Sunny Fields Farms?
-I'’m in love. -[laughs] You'’re cute.
-That, too. -You eat meat, Mr. Crane?
-My place or yours? -I'’m a cattle rancher.
The F.D.A. is about to sign off on cloned meat.
Once they do, the floodgates are gonna open. I need a lawyer to stop that flood.
Are you that lawyer, Denny Crane?
There'’s never been a dam or a damsel I couldn'’t plug.
Marry me.
[theme music playing]
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Come on, all right ♪
♪ Well, yeah ♪
♪ Outlaw ♪
I'’m confused. Are you cloning the meat?
No, no, sweetheart. The biotech companies are cloning the meat. I'’m the one trying to stop it.
I believe that procreation should happen the old-fashioned way.
When can we get started?
How far are we away from cloned animals actually being a reality?
Oh, hell, honey. They'’re already here.
They have hundreds of pigs
and some of their piglets have already made it into the food supply, by the way
and now they'’re trying to use beef.
My question is, who put the mad cows in charge of the asylum?
Hear! Hear! Be nice.
They have a moratorium on using cloned animals which is about to be lifted.
That'’s why I would like to move fast.
Denny, you don'’t need me on this.
Carl, Carl.
-Carl, I need a heavy hitter. -I thought you were a heavy hitter.
I am. But I'’d like to do my hitting on her. I'’m in love with her.
Look, Carl, this is a great opportunity
for you to be a consumer advocate here,
which the country needs because Nader is running for president again
and, well, I'’d ask Alan, but he'’s busy.
Please?
I'’m just gonna say this,
and let me preface it by admitting I know this is a crazy notion.
-Okay. -I want to sue my nephew.
Okay, what'’s he done?
It'’s not what he's done so much as what he'’s planning to do.
And what does he plan to do?
Vote for Obama.
I could be wrong, but I believe he has that right,
unless there'’s some fine print in the PATRIOT Act--
Alan, he is a delegate.
He plans to vote for Obama at the convention
even though his congressional district voted for Clinton, as did Massachusetts.
-Well, can he do that? -Well, yes.
That'’s the dirty little secret no one'’s talking about.
Even the pledge delegates can ignore their constituencies.
It'’s unethical, in my opinion
and if the rules allow for that, then the rules have to be challenged.
And by challenged, you mean the little-used act
of anarchy known as suing the nephew?
Alan, this nomination could very well come down to a handful of delegates...
poached delegates, I might add.
Every vote counts, including my nephew'’s.
Sue.
I'’m really quite shocked, Aunt Shirley.
I'’ve been taken completely unaware. How can you sue me?
-Mitchell-- -Mitchy.
Mitchy...
you don'’t think it's wrong that your entire district voted for Hillary, but--
Forty-two percent.
It'’s funny how a plurality can morph into an entirety.
Must be that Clinton math.
I think your aunt'’s point, Mitchy,
is that Hillary won your district
as well as the entire state of Massachusetts.
You have a duty to represent your constituency at the convention, do you not?
Well, I'’m not duty bound, Mr. Shore.
Delegates are more like... duty urged.
Mitchy, you'’re 22 years old,
with less voting experience than--
[cell phone ringing]
I'’ll say this for her. She is a bulldog.
Excuse me for a second.
Probably calling to say she found her voice again.
[giggles]
You have got to be able to stop him.
I don'’t see how. As he says, he'’s within party rules.
-I can'’t bear it. -Well, there'’s only two other options.
We could stuff him in a barrel and send him out to sea.
-Or? -We could sue the Democratic Party.
You can'’t sue food or drugs.
How can anybody sue food or drugs?
We'’re suing the Food and Drug Administration, Your Honor. The F.D.A..
-What the hell is that? -That would be the agency in charge of your meds, Judge.
And in fact, I would suspect somebody very much like yourself or Denny
is in charge of that department.
-Objection. -Mr. Sack, flattery has no place in this...
It would be a courtroom, Your Honor.
Your Honor, this should be in federal court.
They are suing a federal agency. Jurisdiction--
Next he'’s gonna play the sovereign immunity card. It'’s a dodge.
Stop with the jibber-jabber. Jibber-jabber has no place in my courtroom.
-You understand, Mr. Sack? -Yes, Your Honor. Jibber-jabber and flattery.
May I call a witness to lay out my case?
Silence. I will decide how to proceed. I am the decider.
Call a witness.
Thank you, Your Honor. I call Sunny Fields.
How are we doing today, Judge?
Well, aren'’t you adorable up close.
The motion is filed. We'’re in at 2:00.
We'’re actually suing the D.N.C..
Yes. I also subpoenaed Mitchy. We'’ll need him as a witness.
You realize the media will pounce on this.
I'’ve practiced law for 38 years
and never once have I done something stupid.
Well, now you'’re being hard on yourself. I'’ve seen you be stupid many times.
I sit here in my tastefully decorated office
and watch you go about tilting at windmills.
Many times beating the windmill.
Well, it'’s my turn.
It'’s my turn to stand up and...
make a complete idiot of myself
and do something
that leaves this nation a slightly better place.
That, and a chance to paste your annoying nephew.
Yeah. I can'’t pass that up.
It'’s settled then. We'’re off to sue the Democrats.
I know the science, darling.
I also know that most of the scientists who did the testing
were hired by the cloning companies.
The science on this is in the bag.
A lot of people have no problem eating cloned meat.
Well, most people aren'’t even gonna know. That'’s the worst part.
The F.D.A. doesn'’t even require that the cloned stuff be labeled.
I don'’t think I'’d want to know.
Have you any evidence that cloned meat is unsafe?
Oh, it'’s too early to tell either way.
But if it'’s not natural, would you eat it?
All the F.D.A. studies have concluded that it'’s safe.
Honey, the F.D.A. said that VIOXX was safe.
Isn'’t the real issue here that you'’re a cattle rancher
and you don'’t want the competition?
-No. I'’m more concerned about animal abuse, darling. -Animal abuse?
Yes. The surrogate mothers are pumped up with high levels of hormones.
The clones are often born with compromised immune systems
which require massive doses of antibiotics,
which by the way, opens up the door
for the veterinary pharmaceuticals to enter into the human food supply.
There is no evidence that cloned meat poses any health risk.
Darling, cloning increases the risk of food-borne illness.
Even the National Academy of Sciences says so.
Once you take nature out of the process, which cloning does,
it destroys the natural barriers against disease.
Now, that poses a health problem for cows and people...
like you and me.
Mr. Shore, Wolfgang Blitzkrieg with the best political news team in television.
I have no comment yet.
Ms. Schmidt, Wolfgang Blitzkrieg with the best political news team in television.
Could I get you to talk just for a second with the best political news team in television?
Go away.
This has been Wolfgang Blitzkrieg
with the best political news team in television.
You only got it here.
This is outrageous.
We had a feeling you'’d say that, Judge,
-but we actually do have a case. -No, you do not.
The Democratic Party is a private organization.
-We make what rules we want. -Not when it violates one man, one vote.
What is it you'’re asking me to do?
We'’d like a court order, Judge,
that says that pledge delegates have to vote for the candidate they'’re pledged to,
certainly on the first ballot.
You want me to tell the Democrats how to run their own party?
-Somebody'’s got to. -[gavel raps]
Give me one good reason why I shouldn'’t dismiss this right now.
Okay, you'’re a fair and open-minded jurist.
-[gavel raps] -Give me another reason!
Okay.
As long as there are only two political parties,
the public only has two choices for president.
One of them is being picked by delegates like Mitchy Weston, that toddler over there,
whose vote is worth 13,000 times the vote of you and me.
You'’re talking about a process that'’s been in effect--
I know what process I'’m talking about.
And it'’s about time it be exposed for the fraud it is.
-Fraud? -Yes, fraud.
If the primaries really don'’t count, then they are just a sham.
They count! They'’re just not binding, snidey butt.
I want it on the record that I'’ve just been called "snidey butt"
by a person whose vote is worth 13,000 times more than mine, and yours.
-And Your Honor'’s. -That'’s enough!
We'’ll adjourn until 9:00 tomorrow morning.
I'’ll conduct a full evidentiary hearing.
[reporters clamoring]
Okay, Shirley, you'’re up.
Ms. Schmidt, Wolfgang Blitzkrieg with the best political news team in television.
We really are the best, by the way.
Can you tell me, has this case been politicized?
Oh, you were brilliant.
-Honey, I'’m always brilliant. -No.
I don'’t just jump into bed with any woman, you know.
Actually, I do.
But this time it'’s different.
I...
I think we should be together.
Mm. You'’re sweet.
No, I mean it.
I'’m falling in love with you.
Honey, I think you'’re cute as a button.
But I tend to treat men like horses.
-I ride '’em hard and then I turn '’em out. -I'’m okay with that.
Truth is, my...
tawdry affairs tend to last longer than my committed relationships.
But...
this is different.
I feel a... a real connection.
Denny Crane, I'’m a cattle rancher.
You think a big city slicker like yourself would be happy living on a farm?
I love horses.
I love cows, I love sheep.
Especially sheep.
I'’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl.
If you'’re with me, you gotta be on a farm.
I'’m there.
-You'’re out of your mind. -Oh, this woman, Alan.
-She'’s the one. I know it. -In just one day?
-In 10 minutes. -Oh, come on.
It'’s like a movie. A glance here, a look there.
[sighs] Has that ever happened to you?
-No. -She'’s a goddess, Alan.
You really are... smitten.
So is she. I could see it in her eyes.
Did you know that I am as cute as a button?
Denny...
I say this with love
and in the spirit of friendship.
The idea of you on a ranch--
What?
-Well, you'’re a little-- -A little what?
Roly-poly.
-In a good way. -I'’m a rugged man!
Yes. And cute as a button.
Oh, dear.
With the best political news team ever assembled in the history--
The rules may technically allow the pledge delegates to ignore the mandate of the popular vote,
but that'’s certainly not what the Democratic Party advertises.
People go to the primary polls under the assumption,
an assumption cultivated by the D.N.C.,
that whatever candidate wins that primary,
he or she will get the delegates.
Let'’s put our cards on the table, Miss Schmidt.
-You'’re for Hillary? -I am.
And you want your nephew to vote for Hillary?
I want the delegates, especially the pledge delegates,
to give the primary some meaning.
It should probably also be said we'’re in a time of war.
What do you mean?
Well, the country needs stability.
It needs to count on its bedrocks, its established traditions.
For 20 years now, we'’ve only had two families in the White House.
Just the two.
First a Bush, then a Clinton, then, uh, Clinton again,
then another Bush then that Bush again.
It'’s time for another Clinton!
We simply cannot afford to experiment in such uncertain times.
-What the hell was that about? -What?
You totally politicized this.
You practically stumped for Obama!
I did no such thing. I just happen to be a big fan
of dynasties and monarchies. Oh, I love monarchies.
This is not to be turned into your political forum, Alan.
Look, Shirley, may I speak to you for a second as a friend,
one who can hold you in the bad days and spoon you in the good ones?
-Alan-- -This is a good thing for you, what'’s going on here.
-How so? -Well, you want Hillary, right?
Consider Hillary'’s behind in the count.
She can'’t possibly be the nominee
unless she poaches some of Obama'’s pledge delegates,
and if delegates are bound to the mandate of the voters,
that may be good for democracy, but it would be very bad for Hillary.
So you need to just chill out, relax.
If anybody'’s gonna hijack this thing, it'’s gonna be the Clintons. So just chill.
If you even think of using this case to plug Obama--
-You'’re using it to promote Hillary. -I am promoting the process.
A process that can only spit out Clintons or Bushes.
-Who have experience! -Oh, aren'’t you sick of experience?
The only reason your guy is senator is because the incumbent was caught in a sex scandal!
Oh, please! She was the first lady--
-She didn'’t-- Oh-- -She was not just a first lady.
Doesn'’t the script call for you to just keep repeating "Rev. Wright, Rev. Wright"?
-She is a senator, a lawyer-- -Except when she'’s finding her own voice, which is crybaby.
Shirley, I'’m telling you,
if she gets the nomination, I'’d sooner vote for the dead guy from Arizona.
-Not to mention, he looks like a girl! -She looks like a man!
Listen to us.
We'’ve sunk to the level of--
Presidential candidates.
Hug?
Don'’t try anything.
[music playing]
[Sunny laughing]
-You can ride, Denny Crane. -Yes, I can.
-I'’m an old farm boy. -I can see that.
[chuckles]
Can we stop?
I'’d like to... check out the scenery.
That, and my balls hurt.
-It'’s beautiful, isn't it? -Oh, yeah.
If this cloning thing becomes a reality,
I'’m gonna be out of business.
Let me ask you a question. You got, uh, what, a thousand head of cattle here?
What'’s your control, really?
I mean, how do you safeguard against the, uh, the mad cow or any other disease?
It'’s not like you can vet every animal.
Well, if I had a mad cow, I wouldn'’t need a vet to tell me.
My daddy said that the other cows take care of that.
They shun the afflicted animal.
Even so, can'’t you make beef more pure
using high-tech methods like cloning?
You know, if I believed that, I wouldn'’t be fighting this.
I really wouldn'’t.
I mean it.
What?
I'’ve never mentally undressed a woman in chaps before.
Come on over and meet the livestock, Denny Crane.
And I don'’t want you flirting with any of them.
Hello, my darlings. This is your lawyer.
-He'’s a sweetie pie. -[mooing]
Ah!
Well, that wasn'’t very good manners, was it?
It'’s as if you had mad cow, Denny Crane.
Don'’t be ridiculous. You can'’t be diagnosed by a fellow cow.
I can. They know.
Oh, come on.
And they told Sunny. To be shunned by your peers like that--
-Will you listen to yourself? -Come on, Alan.
You'’ve seen the studies where dogs can smell cancer.
The animals, they... they sense things.
The whole herd...
My condition was obvious to them.
-Am I that far gone? -Okay, look, you'’ve known you have issues.
It'’s no big deal.
It'’s a big deal because I love Sunny! And she'’s not gonna let me
be around her livestock if she knows I'’ve got the, uh...
-Mad cow. -Mad cow!
You'’re talking like a crazy person.
That'’s not gonna help!
Denny, I'’m having a hard time wrapping my head
around this sudden and profound love you have.
That'’s because it's never happened to you. It'’s happened to me, I tell you.
-You just met her! -Alan.
We need to go.
Denny, we'’ll talk later, okay?
-What'’s wrong? -His client'’s cows are on to him.
You realize, Mr. Weston, that your congressional district and the State of Massachusetts
voted for Hillary Clinton?
I do realize that, yes.
Your own constituency thinks that what you'’re doing is wrong.
Well, to quote the vice president when told
the American people don'’t want to see more soldiers die,
"So?"
He really said that. I kid you not.
Mitchy, as a result of the Massachusetts primary results,
you became a pledged delegate to Hillary Clinton.
Yes, but according to the D.N.C. rules, I'’m not bound by that.
No, I am not.
Who does that remind you of?
-"I did not have sex"-- -Mitchy!
I am entitled to vote my conscience. That'’s what I'm choosing to do.
Your conscience won'’t allow you to vote for Mrs. Clinton?
Look, I happen to think that she is a brilliant woman, and brave, too.
She took all that sniper fire for us. She and Sinbad.
Why do you feel compelled to vote for Obama?
We need a new America.
Hillary Clinton is old America.
I think the time has come for us to bridge the gaps on the Senate floor.
Yes, we can.
We'’re not just Democrats and Republicans.
We'’re Americans. Yes, we can.
It'’s time for all people to come together. Black, white, yellow, red.
Yes, we can. Yes, we can.
-Yes, we can! -Oh, all right.
You sound like The Little Engine That Could.
How great that you have an opinion.
Do you think it'’s fair, though, for you to exalt your politics over the will of your district?
I have a dream where people of all creeds--
Yes. What if all the delegates had a dream that it should be Kucinich in July?
That would be okay, then, within the rules?
Let me ask, how did you even get to be a delegate?
-I did a lot of volunteer work. -[laughs]
I was rewarded for my efforts and made a national committeeman.
-And how old are you? -I'’m 22.
Mitchy, have you ever actually spoken to Hillary Clinton?
Yes. She and Barack both dropped by.
-Dropped by? Your house? -Yes.
Isn'’t democracy swell?
-Objection. -Sustained.
Do you think it'’s possible that your conscience has been corrupted?
No, I do not! You listen to me.
I am a proud member of the Democratic Party.
I take my cues from the chairman
of the Democratic National Committee,
and he says that I can vote my conscience!
I will follow his lead, not yours.
That of the chairman of the Democratic National Committee?
-Yes. -And that would be this guy?
And we'’re going to South Dakota! And Oregon! And Washington!
And Michigan! And then we'’re going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House!
Yeah! Yeah!
He is a beacon.
For the past six years, I'’ve tracked the safety of cloned meat and milk.
It'’s not only safe, but very likely more safe
than products from naturally bred livestock.
-It is also of much higher quality. -How so?
Well, some cows are simply better than others.
We clone the top breeders, the prizewinners, in fact,
which gives us a consistently higher grade.
What'’s the problem with labeling it then?
-Honestly? -That'’d be nice.
The "yuck" factor.
People hate the idea of cloning.
If we were to label cloned food products,
we'’d never be given a fair chance by the American public.
So better to deny the people a choice, like you did with VIOXX?
-Oh, God. I'’m sick of everybody throwing VIOXX in our faces. -Well, yes.
It'’s just those vocal few opposed to heart attacks and strokes.
-How about Bextra? -Bextra got by us, I admit, but--
Zelnorm, Baycol, Palladone, Tysabri, NeutroSpec, Cylert, Permax.
All those drugs were approved by the F.D.A, only to be withdrawn
after they caused serious, sometimes fatal, side effects.
Which particular failure would you prefer having thrown in your face?
-Special orders don'’t upset me. -He'’s good.
-May I say something? -Who are you?
Left-wing liberals love to dump on the F.D.A.. It seems to be the new sport.
But the public knows damn well,
we are a thoroughly competent organization that serves Americans--
This would be a different public than the one polled by the Wall Street Journal
which found that 70% of American adults
are skeptical of the F.D.A.'’s ability to protect--
We'’re to trust polls now?
If you prefer testimonials, I would call your attention to a 60 Minutesinterview
with Dr. David Graham, a senior scientist at the F.D.A.
who blamed the F.D.A. for allowing dangerous drugs to stay on the market.
This case is about cloning.
Now, which has been deemed safe by a horrendously and famously
inept governmental administration
which shamelessly bends to the will of the pharmaceutical companies.
-Move to strike. -If there is nothing to hide here, why not label?
-Move to strike! -Silence!
I can'’t keep up!
The Democratic Party is a private organization.
We can adopt whatever funny rules we want.
Nobody is required to be a member of any party.
Mr. Duprey, don'’t feed me that.
There are only two real parties in our country.
They'’ve picked our presidents for a hundred years.
And it'’s worked well for a hundred years.
-Really? Even lately? -Oh, sit down, you.
These rules are designed
to provide a checks and balances, if you will.
What if the public, in some protest of sorts, voted for a comedian?
You remember that Pat Paulsen ran in 1968.
What if Roseanne Barr or George Carlin or Carrot Top captured the popular vote?
-Could be an improvement-- -Down!
The delegates and super delegates, as a matter of conscience,
have to be allowed to say, "Whoa!"
-Well, so you admit it'’s not really a democracy then? -Classically speaking, no.
I mean, suppose we were in the same situation as the Republicans, for example.
And suppose John McCain, before the convention, succumbed to old age or senility.
-You mean he hasn'’t? -[gavel raps]
Should we stick in Mike Huckabee
because he would be the leader in delegates?
Can you imagine?
The rules that we have in place
are to effect a choice from the people
to be affirmed or not by the delegates and super delegates
and it is not automatic.
Well, then what'’s the point of the primaries really? Is it just a guide?
If the delegates are free to ignore the popular vote,
then does that not violate "one man, one vote"?
Well, it'’s never truly been one man, one vote in this country.
Let'’s face it. Look, I grew up in California, my wife in Wyoming.
Now, in my home state, there are about 15 million registered voters.
In my wife'’s, maybe 250,000.
Both states have two senators.
Which means my wife had about 60 times more voting power than I did
in any senatorial election.
Is that fair? I think so. Perfect? Of course not.
Democracy isn'’t. Nor is the democratic nomination process.
Nobody here is denying that.
But let'’s remember, if it wasn'’t for delegate independence,
its possibility of back-room deal-making,
the nominee for president in 1932 for the Democratic Party
would'’ve been Newton Baker.
Instead, we got Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
My mother'’s friend Vivian once told me,
"There are only two kinds of people in this world, Alan.
"Them that drink Coke and them that drink Pepsi."
Vivian got that notion, of course, from Coke and Pepsi.
There may have been other colas, but Coke and Pepsi were the giants,
billion-dollar behemoths
who in their own advertising would each refer to the other guy as the only alternative,
just so long as people keep on gulping down one or the other.
Makes you kind of wonder if they'’re in cahoots.
Mr. Shore, as much as I enjoy listening to you go on and on... and on,
could you get to your case?
When it comes to presidential elections,
we again have only two billion-dollar giants in control.
The American people might get to vote for commander in chief,
but they only get two choices, Your Honor,
choices selected by two very private organizations
who are both in bed with big oil, big tobacco,
big pharmaceuticals, big banking.
Every big you can think of.
And as a result, we only get the candidates
that big business and the two parties decide to favor us with.
So, where'’s the democracy?
The sad fact is, it seems that democracy has lost its way.
And as long as we remain a two-party system,
we will forever be denied a taste of that delicious RC Cola
because Coke and Pepsi have cornered the market.
No more soda pop!
Yes, let'’s let the Democratic National Committee
make whatever rules it fancies.
Never mind that delegates like Mitchy can ignore election results.
Who cares that states like Florida and Michigan are discounted?
Big deal that in Iowa the Democrats don'’t get to cast secret ballots.
Or that in Nevada the caucuses were on a Saturday, which meant observant Jews couldn'’t vote.
Hey, it'’s kind of fun.
This year the Democratic nominee might be decided by super-duper delegates,
political insiders who don'’t have to listen to the voters at all,
insiders who, according to D.N.C. rules,
are allowed to and do accept money from the candidates,
insiders who, in fact, have accepted over a million dollars
from the Clinton and Obama campaigns.
Do we have to sit here and listen to this wonkish analysis?
There are dire consequences here, Mr. Duprey.
Presidents get to start wars, and kids, the innocent kind, die in them.
Lots of kids. There are consequences.
And as long as presidents get to start wars and pick Supreme Court justices,
as long as they represent the American people to the world,
a world which increasingly loathes us because of our presidents,
we the people should get to weigh in.
Look at the choices this grand two-party system has produced this year.
A grumpy old man who wants to stay at war for 100 years
versus whomever the Democrats pick,
a choice which may very well come down to Mitchy.
Snidey butt!
I'’m going to sit my snidey butt down now after one final thought.
Maybe it'’s time for us to take a little break from Iraq
and start spreading a little more democracy at home.
So what happens now?
Well, we have a drink,
maybe a little sex--
Although it'’s only been a day and I'’m still in refractory mode.
-No, I mean about the case. -Oh.
Well, uh, Sack will give a summation tomorrow.
It'’ll be boring, full of legal stuff I never listen to,
the judge will rule.
Then we'’ll, uh...
marry.
You'’re even a good kisser.
Sunny...
you'’ve been regarding my flirtations
as, uh, foreplay.
It'’s more than that.
When a man loves a woman,
when God didn'’t pick little green apples...
whatever--
Oh, Denny!
Sunny--
-[bones crack] -Ooh!
[sighs]
Well, you get the idea.
Sunny.
Sunny Fields, will you marry me?
Oh, Denny, we haven'’t even been out on a real date.
Oh, we got plenty of time for that.
Oh, Denny.
I love you.
I'’d go to the ends of the earth for you.
Well, you sure make it hard to say no to, I can tell you that.
Can I think about it overnight?
You can.
And I'’ll see you tomorrow?
I promise.
Good night...
Denny Crane.
I agree with Mr. Shore.
Whatever one wants to call this nomination process,
it'’s anything but democratic.
Two political parties pulling the strings.
It'’s like going to a fast-food restaurant and being told you can eat whatever you want.
The menu is fixed.
That having been said,
being a private organization, the D.N.C. is free to set its own rules.
The only real recourse the people have, I suppose, is to vote Republican.
And everyone wonders how we ended up with the likes of George Bush.
-Motion denied. -[gavel raps]
Everybody loses.
Well--
The one time I get out of my tastefully decorated office to tilt at windmills,
and I lose.
I'’m sorry.
First of all, I reject the idea that cloning meat is abusive to cows.
-Why? -It'’s meat.
-The animal'’s already dead. -No, Your Honor. It'’s the cow being cloned to make the meat.
-Did I skip over that? -Dead meat is dead meat.
-But-- -Judgment in favor of the plaintiff.
Oh, there you go.
What-- Judge, we had the same concerns
over artificial insemination and all the perceived horrors,
and nothing bad happened.
-Judgment for the defendant. -What?
Whoa, no, no, no. Technology has not improved the food supply.
-Plaintiff'’s motion granted. -Wait.
-You said the defendant'’s. -Sustained.
-This guy'’s worse than me. -I am the decider.
Adjourned.
-Who won? -I have no idea.
So, you have no idea if you won or lost?
No.
I still got the girl though.
When do I get to meet her?
Well, she'’s due any second.
Alan, I popped the question.
-You did what? -I love her.
-You asked her to marry you? -Life is short.
No, Denny. Life can be very long.
Especially when you'’re bound by law to the wrong woman.
-You can'’t-- -She'’s the right woman!
-You just met her! -I have a feeling!
Yes, the same one you had about Bev and five other right women
who turned out to be total disasters.
Knock, knock.
Can'’t. Still in refractory.
[chuckles]
-You must be Sunny. -Oh, my Sunny.
This is Alan Shore. He was just leaving.
-Howdy, Alan. -Howdy.
-Well, we'’ll talk later. -I really think we should talk--
No, no. Later.
-Have we figured out whether we won our case yet? -Not yet.
So, did I win the girl?
Denny, were you serious when you said you'’d go to the ends of the earth for me?
I was.
How about Montana?
-What? -I'’m moving to Montana in a month.
I would'’ve told you sooner, but things were going so fast between us.
-Montana? -I bought a farm there.
6,000 acres of land.
I'’m gonna move my ranch there and really make a go of it.
-Montana? -So, the question becomes...
are you really that much of a cowboy, Denny Crane?
What?
Well, uh...
my life is here.
Well, one day you will have to go to pasture.
Maybe now'’s the time.
Ride into the sunset with me, Denny Crane.
See, it'’s... It's, um...
It'’s not the job.
It'’s someone else.
Oh. Someone else.
Uh, my best friend. That was him you just met.
Are you serious?
See, uh, we meet every night
for, uh, cigars and scotch.
It'’s a standing...
Why don'’t you stay here?
I just bought a business.
I have to go.
If you'’d rather stay and drink scotch and smoke cigars,
well, maybe that tells us something.
But this has no bearing on my love for you.
-It'’s just-- -Your love for him.
I can'’t go to Montana.
Just like that it'’s over?
She turned me down. What can I do?
-I'’m sorry, Denny. -No, you'’re not.
-You'’re relieved. -Well, I'’m that, too.
But, if you truly loved her, then I am sorry.
-Denny? -There'’s no need to be sorry, Alan.
Love, even when it'’s fleeting,
even if it'’s for a day or two, it'’s...
it'’s everything.
Don'’t you agree?
I do.
I actually think it'’s why I'’m still single.
Every morning I get to wake up and wonder, "Will this be the day?"
Every night I put my head on my pillow and wonder, "Will I meet her tomorrow?"
I imagine what she'’ll look like.
Her smile, the way she does her hair, how she laughs...
the contour of her breasts, neck.
The promise of love can... be everything.
It'’s a magic you rarely find in marriage though. Maybe you lucked out.
You don'’t believe married people can stay in love?
Oh.
I believe they can know even more profound joys,
be it with children...
the depth of the relationship itself.
It can evolve into something they can'’t possibly live without.
Yet, it'’s something that doesn'’t quite...
so resemble... love.
At least not the romance of love.
I never knew you to be such a romantic.
[scoffs]
My problem is I'’m too romantic.
No woman can possibly measure up to the promise of tomorrow that love holds for me.
What about me?
Well, it'’s not the same.
You know one thing I do love about you?
Tell me.
While many people embrace the promise of tomorrow...
too few celebrate the...
joy of now.
And nobody does that like Denny Crane.
Well, let me tell you something.
When you got polar ice caps melting and breaking off into big chunks,
and you got Osama still hiding in a cave planning his next attack,
when you got other rogue nations with nuclear arsenals,
and not to mention some whack-job homegrown who can cancel you at any second
and when you got...
mad cow...
"now" gets high priority.
And when you'’re sitting on the balcony on a clear night...
sipping scotch with your best friend...
"now" is everything.
Here'’s to now.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Two weeks from tonight onBoston Legal.
-May I help you? -I seek to be a priest.
Of all the ridiculous, sacrilegious acts of heresy I'’ve ever heard!
-God beckoned me. -I was arrested last night.
I don'’t think we can represent you.
They'’ll ask you to flip your employer, and that would be Lorraine.
You kept from me you were a call girl.
I won'’t be judged for it, especially by you.
-How would you feel about running for president? -President?
-Do they know you have mad cow? -They'’re looking for the next Ronald Reagan.
Ronald Reagan didn'’t have a hooker fetish.
Denny Crane, commander in chief.
I like it.
[theme music playing]
-Score, score, score! -WOMAN: Stinkah!
Ow.
Captioned by Point.360